Babies R Us

So after church today Brianna tells me that she needs to go to Babies R Us because she needs to buy some stuff for her work. So we go and all the time I am thinking that maybe there is a way that I can get out of going in. I have been in a Babies R Us once before and let me tell you, this store creates a very uncomfortable feeling for men without children.

First, we go in and Brianna says that she needs to get a basket and walks back toward the front door. In the meantime, I stand there looking at a stroller on "Clearance" but is somehow still priced at $220. That is stinking ridiculous. So I stand there for a minute, wondering when Brianna will come back with the basket so we can get the stuff and get out of there. Then I turn around and she's left me. I don't see her anywhere. Now I'm feeling like that time I was at the gym and I forgot my workout socks and had to wear my black dress socks and sneakers.

So I begin my uncomfortable quest around the store to find her. I'm quite sure that the people working there had a book out with mugshots of kidnappers and they were just trying to match my picture with one of them.

Then I finally find Brianna and vow that I won't stray far from her as she starts her hour long journey of looking at sippy cups. So I start looking at the products around there, keeping an eye on her so she won't leave me again. I found two of the most worthless products that I can't believe anyone would buy. First there was a baby wipe warmer. A warmer for baby wipes. Let me repeat that one more time, cause I can't even believe that product exists. A product that warms baby wipes past room temperature. WHY??? I ask Brianna and she says that babies don't like cold wipes on their behinds. My initial response is - WELL WHO CARES???? I don't get warm, moist toilet paper on my behind at home. Why should a baby???

Second there was a little bear that you velcro to the cradle and it makes sounds like you're still in the womb. That just blew my mind when I saw it so, of course, I tried it out. Let me tell you, if that sounds like the womb, then the womb sounds like the engine room of a World War II diesel submarine.

Then, as Brianna is checking out and I'm trying to keep my sanity, I go over and read their "Calender of Events." Let me just tell you that was a big mistake. Did you know they have classes on "How to use Breast Pumps" in that store? I'm afraid to see how they demonstrate that. There was also the class on "How to Change a Diaper." If that class is more then 2 minutes long, the people in it shouldn't be allowed to be parents.

Now that I've ranted about my journey to Babies R Us, I should say that if we decide to have children, we'll probably register there, and who knows, maybe by then I'll decide that baby wipe warmers really are necessary....or even a bling bling pacifier (they really do sell them!)